Donald Trump in the Oval Office with Rod Serling.

Trump’s first day in office.

Today is Inauguration Day! It marks the peaceful transition of violent power over the lives of billions in America and abroad from one person to another.

As we celebrate or mourn or shrug off today’s inauguration of Donald Trump, let us reflect on the election. I don’t mean the campaigning and the candidates, but rather the act of voting.

The question we must ask ourselves is which act is more meaningful: voting or farting.

A Serious Question!

No, this is a serious question! I am in no way being flippant nor facetious. The answer to this seemingly ridiculous question reveals a profound truth.

Most Americans would say the sacred act of voting is more meaningful than releasing a poof of methane. Yet consider the following scenario.

It’s a cold November evening. You are waiting in a long line to cast your vote for president as the polls close. The evening’s chili dinner starts to rumble in your belly as a fetid toot draws nigh. Out of courtesy to your fellow voters you try to hold in the nascent air biscuit, but you reach a tipping point with only this choice: subject your voting comrades to a flatulence most foul or leave the line, forgoing your vote but sparing the others from the odoriferous unpleasantry.

Which of these two choices will have the most positive impact on society?

Against Voting; in Defense of the Flatus

The answer is skipping the vote has the more positive impact, for if you remain in line to cast your vote the end result will be absolutely no change in the outcome of the election whatsoever. There has never been a presidential election in history that was decided by one person’s vote, nor can I find any record of this happening in any other federal elections for Congress. Your choice to vote or not vote literally has no affect whatsoever on anything ever.

On the other hand, your pungent poot will unleash a nasal assault upon your fellow voters (a possible violation of the NAP?), making their evening ever so slightly more unpleasant. Unlike voting, this passing of gas has an observably real impact on the lives of others. Yes, it’s the most trivial of trivial impacts, but still more impactful than your vote.

In Conclusion

Remember this as the 2020 election heats up: all the money spent to get you to the polls, all the rhetoric, the arguments and unfriending on Facebook, all the wailing and gnashing of teeth by the talking heads, all of that is over something less impactful than breaking wind.

So stay home and enjoy some burritos!

I farted and it made more of a difference!